Being newly single can be an exciting and liberating experience, especially when it comes to exploring new relationships and connections. However, in the midst of this exploration, it is important to remember the value of our energy and how it impacts various aspects of our lives. In this post, I will share my thoughts on guarding energy, and why doing this is crucial for personal growth, creativity, and overall well-being.
The Danger of Energy Depletion
While it may be tempting to immerse ourselves in the thrill of new people and experiences after the end of a relationship, it’s important to recognize the potential danger of energy depletion. There are only so many hours in a day to create, to move and to feed the soul. After the loss, it is natural to seek new connections. New sexual interests bring out the opportunity to practice connecting with others and navigating a new world. Allowing too much focus on these quasi-relationships, however, can be at a detriment to proper healing, processing of emotions and truly moving on. One cannot be drained and then attempt to climb a mountain. It is vital to strike a balance between indulging in enjoyable experiences and preserving our energy for personal growth.
Grieving and Moving Forward
Losing a partner after a long-term relationship can leave a significant void in our lives. It’s important to acknowledge the grief and allow ourselves time to heal, despite any advice one gets from their community. Every relationship is unique, and every separation is painful in its own way. Only we will know the right timeline to grieve our person. In my experience, I bought books on divorce in the days after the end of my marriage, and joined a local support group as a way to take my first steps. The loss I felt was the most profound pain I had ever experienced. I knew that in rebuilding from ashes, I was going to need time, intention and a tribe to help me get through. I did not have space for much in my life other than licking my wounds.
The Drain of Shallow Connections
Casual relationships and shallow fun can be very exciting. When I first stepped out there, it felt very good to be pursued. I had become convinced that I was too broken for anything in the final days of my marriage. So to be lavished in compliments and chased by attractive men felt amazing. It felt as if it was building me up. I indulged a bit too much in the apps, the coffee meet-ups, and the other. I found myself checking my phone more often than I would have before. It took only a couple weeks for me to feel the drain on my energy. I found my brain wanting to stay in familiar ruts of wondering what another human was doing, if that human wanted contact with me, wondering if I was still attractive, etc. I was investing time and energy in people with whom I had no desire to form deeper connections. It detracted from the pursuits that truly matter to me. Now, I approach my romantic life with intention and boundaries.
Fervent Intention and Restorative Activities
With a newfound freedom, we must approach our waking hours with keen intention. Constantly questioning whether the activities we engage in are restorative or depleting can help us make better choices. I find I have to prioritize activities such as nurturing my creativity, engaging in physical exercise, spending time in nature, and reading in order to feel in balance and rested.
Others keep post-its around their house, calendar reminders on their phone, other gentle reminders to meander back to efforts which feed the spirit and the future. I am very strict with the energy I give to my romantic pursuits. When I am done for the day, I am done. I don’t read texts or initiate conversations with potential partners or pen pals. I set my phone down for hours at a time in order to focus solely on my craft, my walk, my vision, my deeper relationships. Now, I am finding that I need actual sex way less often than I used to, despite being in my sexual peak. I channel it and release it when it benefits me. Doing so also has an unexpected perk with sexual partners too, because I am not all that available. For some reason, we humans tend to like a chase.
Last Thoughts
Guarding our energy like it is a baby means being conscious of how we allocate our very limited resources. Over-indulgence in temporary pleasures may seem enticing, but it is crucial to prioritize activities that nourish our creativity, passions, strength, and overall well-being. Keeping the shallow to a minimum and energy focused on growth as the baseline will alleviate a ton of anxiety in the long-run. In striking a balance between exploration and self-care, we can propel ourselves into the next chapter of our lives with purpose and vitality.