n apology he never spoke
Judgement heaped and levied, he blamed his life’s pain all on me
Never had the balls to own his shit, his dysfunction swept me to the sea
Had me shaking in fear of losing all, like dead leaves from a tree
Held understanding for ransom, oh that love was not meant to be
As I sat there on my knees and begged for us, he laughed right in my face
And then dainty hands he laid on me, with bruises I was displaced
He claimed I bounced without a word, then like that I was replaced
I feel no yearning for that man, my peace knows I won that race
My illness only left me when I accepted PMDD into my life
I promised self I’d love her fully, and made myself my wife
Never settling for another coward, all shook like Barney Fife
No matter how many good years we had, the end was a rusty knife
Since I left him, no symptoms came;’ it’s almost been a year
I grieved, and held myself so tight, and allowed the flow of tears
Grace I’ve given to all the parts of me, I breathed into my fear
I’ve loved all versions of me, my future feels bright and clear
PMDD may come back tomorrow, I’ll be here standing by
No matter what symptoms might arrive, I know I’ll be alright
Cuz no one will be here baiting me, like a fucked up mental fight
I get to turn my mind to better things, dysphoria drowned by light.
If you or someone you know is battling PMDD, or any form of Premenstrual Disorder, please check out IAPMD.org, an amazing organization dedicated to support, research, and alleviation of symptoms through a supportive network. Volunteers are standing by weekly to support peers through weekly support groups (including support groups for partners of those with PMDD). As much as PMDD likes to convince us that we are alone, this is not true. PMDD sufferers are at an increased risk of suicidal ideation, due to the nature of this disorder.
Hugs, warriors. You are not alone. Ever. Keep breathing. You’ve got this.