Have you ever stumbled upon a book that unexpectedly transforms your life? That’s exactly what happened to me when I discovered “The Women Who Run with the Wolves” by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés. It’s hard to put into words the profound impact this book had on me. It awakened a dormant part of my soul that I thought had withered away long ago. Just a few months ago, I felt like I had nothing left to offer the world. I saw myself as aged and undeserving of life, understanding, or opportunities.
But this book… oh, this book. It completely rocked my world. With every page I turned, I felt a deep connection, an electric surge within my core. I started to come alive. The words spoke to the reconnection with the deep and sacred feminine, and as I delved deeper into its teachings, something strange and wonderful started to happen. I began to dress more provocatively—not to please others, but for the sheer delight of my own eyes. You see, I had worked hard to build a strong and athletic body, and now I reveled in admiring it from various angles. I became my own trophy—hard-won and battle-tested.
Moreover, I discovered a newfound sexual connection with myself, devoid of any external aids. No toys, no porn—just the slow, intentional, and gentle caressing of my own body. In these intimate moments, I experienced states of ecstasy I never knew were possible. Harnessing my raw sexual energy became a potent tool in my arsenal. While I understand that there will be a time and place to share it with others, for now, I embrace my primal desires unapologetically. When I’m near the opposite sex, I feel like a predator among sheep. It’s an empowering sensation that leaves me breathless.
Yet, the sexual awakening is just one facet of my transformation. An unwavering, unapologetic self-love has flooded my heart. I now fiercely protect my well-being, as a mother protects her young. In the process of separating from my family, I’ve come to accept the cyclical nature of life and death. I contemplate what must die. The relationships that no longer serve me, where my efforts are received without reciprocation or appreciation, must be let go. Instead of retaliating or announcing my intentions, I’m learning to gracefully walk away. I let these toxic connections wither and perish on their own. I no longer need to monitor their demise—I’m free to focus on my own growth.
Establishing boundaries has become a source of peace for me. Like a wolf mother baring her teeth to protect her cubs, I fiercely guard my boundaries and intentions. I’ve learned to detach from my cell phone for hours at a time, recognizing that it doesn’t matter who reaches out. When I make the conscious decision to honor my time, I do so completely. I remove the distractions of external validation, such as mindlessly scrolling through Instagram or being overly available to others. In the darkest moments, when I felt dependent on others for survival, I discovered an inner knowing that I need no one but myself. I need silence, intention, meditation, and movement. I don’t need my Instagram feed to define my worth.
This journey to connect with the oldest, most instinctual part of my psyche has been simultaneously exhilarating and challenging. I understand that the Wild Woman within me won’t fill my heart unless I prove myself worthy. Shedding shame, disapproval, and codependent tendencies requires effort and dedication.
Protecting my time and energy has proven to be difficult. I’m constantly tempted to offer them to anyone who passes by. In the past, I offered my sexual energy to the external world, hoping for validation. Now, I’m learning to put my phone down, lie down with intention, and provide myself with the sexual healing I once sought from others. I’ve also offered my love to everyone, asking, “What can I do to make your life easier or better?” But now, I place one hand on my heart and the other on my belly, asking all versions of myself, “What do you need right now?” And I listen. The answer is usually bubbling just below the surface. This process is teaching me to trust my instincts, honor my needs, and establish firm boundaries. It requires no external validation. In fact, when my environment contradicts my inner knowing, I choose to let my intuition guide me instead of abandoning it to please others. Disappointing others has become less catastrophic in practice than it was in theory.
I can’t wait to continue exploring and embracing my Wild Woman. She embodies fierceness, sensuality, power, and wisdom. She will guide me through every season of the rest of my life. She will reveal my needs, illuminate my path, and shield me from emotionally harmful situations and people. She will howl in protest when someone treats me with casual disregard, and she will ensure those relationships die. She will teach me the delicate dance of walking alongside others, knowing when to lead and when to follow, when to assert myself and when to listen and learn.
I’m filled with anticipation as I embark on this journey of self-discovery and self-empowerment. Becoming a Wild Woman is about reclaiming my authenticity, embracing my desires, and cultivating the courage to live life on my own terms. It’s an exhilarating and transformative path that I’m wholeheartedly embracing.